“Of course I’ll still respect you in the morning..”

Have you heard (or used) that line before? How about ,”Of course I won’t come in your mouth..” or,” I never had sex with THAT WOMAN?”

These are just some of the lies that seducers tell their ‘victims’ in order to get what THEY WANT – into their pants!

But seriously, that’s one hell of a way to start a post!

 

I bring this up because I have been listening to the latest batch of radio adverts from our ‘beloved’ banks and one specifically caught my ear.

“Your bank loves you.”- Nedbank.

Now, if ever there was a stone faced lie told , it’s that one.

Let me clear this up right now!

YOUR.BANK.DOES.NOT.LOVE.YOU.

If anyone reading this  feels all warm and fuzzy at night thinking that your bank branch manager is lying in bed going through his customer list and planting little good night kisses on each name – your medication is WAY to strong!

In fact,I doubt very much that were you to drop dead in their branch that anyone would even know your name , their only concern would be whether they have liability!

The very definition of the word ‘Love’ prohibits this statement from having a grain of truth!

For anyone that has ever loved, you know that it means to place the needs of the loved one above your own, to sacrifice , provide , care for , nurture and respect that soul even if they do not return those same gifts.

Now, for any parent, spouse , grandparent or friend that has ever truly loved their child, spouse , grandchild or BFF the mere audacity of an institutional conglomerate that is rife with greed, power mongering and immoral ( and sometimes illegal) acts of enslavement through a twisted and tangled web of ‘terms and conditions’ to compare the relationship it truly has with you to this most noble of universal emotions is a nothing short of absolute blasphemy!

A statement this false, this callously veiled in deceit would have resulted in a stoning, hanging or drawn and quartering followed by impalement in years ( not too long)  gone by!

How much do banks spend on Marketing?

Such is the level of this lie that the entire banking community and their advertising and marketing agents invested a staggering R1,75 BILLION in marketing in the period February 2012 to March 2013 with FNB spending the most at R562 million.

It’s a bit Zuma-esque , isn’t it?

“So what?” You may ask,”Banks are allowed to market their products , like everyone else.”

Indeed they may and yet, let’s look at this a little deeper.

What is the driving force behind marketing- for any business? Brand enhancement ? Brand Awareness? Product awareness?

Maybe.

But the real fundamental force is much less complicated – it’s profit.

Yep, the most basic lust of the capitalist model.

To have a positive bottom line after expenses and the greater that margin , the happier the devil is.

In most businesses that involves the selling of products or services , this type of marketing is acceptable (to a degree) with Mobile devices , appliances, TV’s, Internet services etc all competing to (allegedly) provide the best value for money product to their customers and giving the customers a wide choice of product and information to make the choice that best suits their requirements.

Banking however, does not fall into that category- in fact banking does not fall into any category.

It is suis generis – in a class by itself..(the only Latin I recall from first year law!)

So, what’s the fucking problem?

Well, the fucking problem is the product that banks provide is an illusion! It doesn’t exist – and never did!

How many of you have credit cards? Personal or home loans? Overdrafts?

Put your hand up if you do.

Ok, hands down.

Now, do you REALLY believe that when you were granted that loan that Steve  , John or Eugene or whichever market brand persona used at the time went to the deep dark vault hidden 267 floors beneath the bank , withdrew the exact amount of your loan / credit card limit/ overdraft/home loan and carried it to the teller and then deposited it into your account?

If you do, I have a bridge to sell you!

You twat!

Do you still believe in Santa Claus and the frikking TOOTH FAIRY?!

Those loans were CREATED OUT OF THIN FUCKING AIR in A COMPUTER ACCOUNTING SYSTEM!

Then , you use that money and have to pay it back PLUS interest on Magical Money! You may as well have a bank account in Monopoly Land!

It gets worse!

 Securitization – another cool idea brought to you by YOUR BANK!

If you default on that loan , the bank can then either get a court order to have you pay off the loan amount – plus interest – or they come and ATTACH YOUR ASSETS , like your car, house or personal belongings to auction off so they can get their FUCKING MONEY BACK.

“But,” you may argue,” I owe them the money. I agreed to the loan and the ‘terms and conditions..”

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Didn’t you know that the banks are FULLY FUCKING INSURED against default on YOUR LOAN?

That if you can’t pay , they get paid AND THEY TAKE YOUR ASSETS ANYWAY?!!

Don’t believe me?

Go now my Paddawan, use Master Google and find the New Era , in fact, fuck that, click on the link and read it for yourself here.

And here’s more…go and find out what a Special Purpose Vehicle is and how the banks use it to trade home loans in a R30 billion a month business WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE!

Oh yes, so the business goes like this and it’s called Securitization.

The banks bundle a whole lot of home loans together , and use the collective value as trade and assets.

Here’s where it gets interesting though – if the bank has sold a bundle of loans to a third party for  SHITLOAD of money and yours is one of them- THEY DON’T OWN IT ANYMORE and under South African Law, they HAVE NO RIGHTS TO IT WHATSO-FUCKING- EVER!!

Notice the block under the First Arrow -” Assets IMMUNE from bankruptcy of seller ” and more importantly ,” Originator retains NO LEGAL interest in Assets!”

Which means that if you default on that loan , they CANNOT COME AFTER YOU FOR THE MONEY OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU OWN!
Plus, they HAVE TO LEGALLY inform you that they longer own the loan as well as advising you who the ACTUAL OWNER IS!

Getting back to the Marketing…

Right…now, the whole point about that little rant is this…the banks spend billions of Rands to get you to Bank with them, so that they can get you into their debt , for as long as they can!

South African consumer debt is estimated at R1,63 Trillion ! This according to an article posted 4th October 2015 on Business Tech…

Just look at the growing number of ‘Debt Rescue’ type businesses that have BALLOONED over the last few years to prove the point.

That just shows how effective the marketing campaigns are, to the point that bank CEO’s TWEET about the success!

This tweet shows that FNB now have 1,5 million people paying them interest, fees, bank charges, transaction fees and all the other BULLSHIT charges that banks get away with!

No wonder he is so fucking happy! Do you know what his bonus would be?

More than the GDP of a small Caribbean nation!

If you want to borrow and the banks will lend and make a profit by doing so, that is fine with me.

WHAT IS NOT FUCKING FINE WITH ME is the sugar coated lie that their massive marketing budgets hammer at you every day through every conceivable medium you engage with – Radio, TV, Digital, Mobile , Print and Social Media!

It should be banned , like cigarette and alcohol advertising!

We wouldn’t allow  about drug dealers, Arms dealers or pimps and human trafficking agents to advertise would we?

NO!

This massively financed marketing is actively resulting in getting consumers into debt! I can hear the screaming now already..

“That’s NOT what we offer! We offer legitimate banking services and value adds for our customers. It’s not our fault if people can’t pay. We have done everything by the book.”

Really? So why is securitization one of the best kept secrets on Planet Earth? Why don’t the banks tell you about this and all the other SHIT they get up to?

Because, if they did – YOU WOULDN’T TRUST THEM WITH YOUR MONEY, would you?

The process of enslavement..

Let’s go through the process here..you get your credit cards,overdraft, home loan, vehicle finance and all is GREAT while you can pay it..but then Life happens and maybe you lose your job, get another one that doesn’t pay as much…you can’t afford the payments and so you make arrangements to pay them off over a longer period…and it’s mostly interest you are paying and the banks just keep milking you month after month, year after year…

Bank smiles! Board members get massive bonuses…and you, well, you get to have around 80c of every Rand you earn being paid to debt for the next rest of your life!

Should you default , well, then they still get paid (they’re insured remember) PLUS they come and take your home, car and assets and sell them for next to FUCK all  for a bit of extra money.

Your home that you raised a family in . Car that you worked yourself to the bone for..gone. Despite the fact that the banks are insured!

They take it anyway, because they can…like a financial rapist.

As for you, well, it can take you years to recover after all that…and then , you start all over again when Eugene pops up and tells you how much the bank Loves you!

Good…now that you have those images in your head, this post will possibly change the way you view your bank and especially the messages they send you in their marketing.

Perhaps , the next time you listen to a banking advert on radio, or see Steve, John or Sipho on TV with their ‘Shit eating’ grin plastered on their faces you will recoil in revulsion at the pure stench of raw sewage that you are being fed and hopefully look at your bank and see it for what it is, a business based on fear and greed.

And that is NOT LOVE!

Ask anyone who has been in an abusive relationship about how many times their abuser said , ” I love you,” just before hitting them again.

And again.

And again.

Or the rapist saying to their victim afterwards,”I love you…”

Finally, to the advertising agencies and marketing teams at all the banks in this country, STOP THE FUCKING LIES!

I know it’s your job to make the brands appeal to the ‘targeted demographic’ but FUCKOFF now. When you are lying in bed with your massive salaries for those advert campaigns, think about the people that your clients are PAYING YOU to LIE TO and the devastation that the banks wreak on consumers on a daily basis and the consequences it has on the lives of REAL FUCKING PEOPLE.

Steve and Eugene and whoever else can go fuck themselves with the largest spikiest dildo they can find because their job is only to get you to ‘switch’ and see how fucking easy it is.

Once you have switched, THEY NO LONGER FUCKING CARE…

And, the banks invest MILLIONS of Rands each year in market research to find our EXACTLY what to say to you to persuade you to ‘switch’ banks..

In essence, they have told you everything you want to hear..you have looked at them with those loving eyes and thought, ” here is someone who gets me…”

You have taken off your clothes, sucked their cocks / clitorises and let them fuck you in as many holes and as many times as they liked – because they told you ‘they loved you.”

When you wake up, expecting to find that warm, loving person you made passionate love to last night lying next to you, gazing at you as though you were the the most incredible , beautiful being the universe has ever created and instead find a cold empty bed and no trace of that lover , you realise that they didn’t love you- they just told you what they had to to GET WHAT THEY WANTED.

The same goes for the banks.

 A final note to the banks and your marketing agencies / teams / divisions…

To the banks: tell me about your products, about your rates, about your mobile app- but DON’T EVER , EVER , EVER tell me YOU LOVE ME!

You don’t love me.

You don’t know me and you don’t care about me.

So don’t EVER pretend that you do.

EVER.

Because if you do, you are violating the ultimate sacred and most revered spiritual essences of this universe. The bond that binds the child to the mother, the sanctity of marriage , the unconditional love that parents have for children and that animals hold for their humans.

The force that makes a friend sacrifice their life to save another, or a stranger that saves a drowning child or risks their life to pull someone from a burning plane…

The Energy that connects all life and that gives the power to a father to lift a one ton truck off their child or give a kidney or liver to save the life of a loved one with no second thought for the impact on their lives.

This is Love.

This is the Truth of Love in our Universe.

And you, dear Bank would not DO ANY OF THOSE ACTIONS FOR ANY ONE OF YOUR CLIENTS!

EVER.

And that’s the Joburg Truth.